


Christmas Without You

by RoguishRobin



Series: Pridemas [16]
Category: Pride (2014)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Epistolary, First Christmas, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, My Heart Is Broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 17:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9082162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoguishRobin/pseuds/RoguishRobin
Summary: Mike has to face his first Christmas without Mark.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was horrible and painful to write because Mark deserved to live for so much longer. He left behind so many who loved him.

_ I went to your grave today. Well, that’s not really news, I go almost every week when I can manage with work. But this is the first time since it’d snowed.  _

_ Sometimes I still have difficulties believing that you’re lying there underneath that headstone I know you would have hated, and all the flowers and candles. I can’t believe that you’re gone. I keep expecting you to pop into the shop or to be banging on my apartment door.  _

_ I can’t walk past your apartment block  without my heart stopping because I look up to your window and I see different curtains. Then I wonder, do they actually realise who used to live there, are they aware that one of the greatest men ever to exist used to make tea in that kitchen, opening and closing the same cupboard doors that they do. It just doesn’t seem like it can be true but then it hits me...it is. You’re gone and I’m so alone.  _

_ I think about all the times I almost said ‘I love you’ but then I didn’t because I was afraid that you would stop being my best friend that you’d be uncomfortable around me. Now all I can think about is that little sad smile on your lips and your whispered “I know” when I finally told you. At that point you were only skin and bones and five days later I was burying you.  _

_ And now it’s Christmas and you’re gone.  _

_ The first Christmas without you. How many more do I have to bear? It doesn’t even feel like it, how can I celebrate and be happy without you by my side. Without you ranting about capitalism and the commercialisation of Christmas but still dragging me to buy presents and make mulled wine and eat mince pies in front of the fire. I miss you so much and I would do anything in the world just to be able to spend one more Christmas with you - fuck, I’d do anything for one more minute with you. But that could never be enough.  _

_ Jonathan and Gethin invited me to spend Christmas with them but I said no. I can’t stand the idea of seeing other people and then I’d feel awful for spoiling the day for everyone. It’s not fair, why did you have to go? You did so much for everyone, saving the world one day at a time, who is going to do that from now on? I found the perfect Christmas present for you yesterday - a crimson suede jacket. It would have looked so good on you, it was your colour. But now some other person will wear it.  _

_ My hands are shaking as I write this. Mark you’re my best-friend, my one love, why did you have to leave? What am I supposed to do without you? I think now that Christmas is here I’m realising again that you’re gone forever. You’re not coming back for a special occasion, you’re gone and I have to live without you. I love you, you crazy, kind, stubborn man. I will always love you. Here’s to the first Christmas without you! _

  
With shaking fingers Mike put down the pen and wiped away the tears that had splashed down his nose and onto the page. He sealed the envelope and then held it while he put his head on the desk next to Mark’s favourite cup and sobbed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. Kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
